“[after watching the food teasing scene in "9 1/2 Weeks"]
I thought, "I'm gonna try that at my house!" Well apparently, bologna and string cheese is not a real big turn on to a blindfolded woman.”

“I thought, "Well if I'm gonna react might as well overreact!”

“It's been real weird. It wasn't how I expected my life to turn out. Especially, mainly pertaining to the show. It never crossed my mind that one day I'm gonna be big and famous and have my own TV show, you know?”

“Ohhh, your real name is 'Brad'?1 I only knew you by what Rob calls you around the house: 'big dumb #%$.”

“There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.”

“When I saw the funeral scene, I just broke down. I ran out of the cabin into the woods, and for nearly 2-1/2 hours, I just cried: "Why, God, did You take him?"”

“Earlier on today, apparently, a woman rung the BBC and said she heard there was a hurricane on the way… well, if you're watching, don't worry, there isn't!”

“I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.”

“Women not girls rule my world
I said they rule my world
Act your age, mama (not your shoe size)
Not your shoe size
Maybe we could do the twirl
U don't have 2 watch Dynasty
2 have an attitude
U just leave it all up 2 me
My love will be your food
Yeah.U don't have 2 be rich
2 be my girl
U don't have 2 be cool
2 rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your
Kiss.”

“Gett off - 23 positions in a 1 night stand.
Gett off - I'll only call u after if u say I can.
Gett off - let a woman be a woman and a man be a man.
Gett off - I u want 2 baby here I am”