“(Brandon) "I would do anything for corn." (April Margera) "Well I think corn just did something for you."”

“Sometimes I think if I had to choose between an ear of corn or making love to a woman, I'd choose the corn.”

“I give boring people something to discuss over corn.”

“I come from Illinois, corn country. There are so many kinds of corn up there they have to number them. You'd be driving down the highway, you'll see BX65, don't mix it up with XL29, you know, something, blah-blah-blah. But I'll tell you what, folks, you can crossbreed your corn from now till the cows come home, and you'll always get corn. You'll never get a hamster, or a tomato or a whale to grow on that corn stalk, okay?”

“You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob," right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn", and they should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch", but then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together."”

“Did thrust as now in others' corn his sickle.”

“But I do nothing that I don't like, such as "inventing" up to the arty or "down" to the corny. I happen to relish a certain type of corn. What I think is the really dangerous approach is the "let's be artistic" attitude. I know that artistry just happens.”

“My corn I take serious because it's my corn, and my potatoes and my tomatoes and fences I take note of because they're mine. But this war is not mine and I take no note of it!”

“I believe in the forest, and in the meadow, and in the night in which the corn grows.”

“I am the black crow king,
Keeper of the forgotten corn,
The King!”