“My Lord… it would be well if you would stick to your good law and leave off your bad Latin.”

“Good Lord, I went in for a check up the other day and the doctor said "You need to lay off eggs." I go "Is my cholesterol bad?" He said "No, your farts are killing everybody in this room."”

“Kicking leaves you momentarily on one foot, and for that moment you are in a very weak position. If you were to be swept off your feet, you would be finished. This is why lifting your feet off the ground is crazy.”

“Yet you would not drive a car with your mouth unless you are my mother-in-law.”

“If the Conservative Party were your refrigerator, all your food would go bad. If it were your car or bicycle, you would be stranded by the side of the road. If it were your accountant, you would be bankrupt. If it were your lawyer, you would be in prison. If any consumer good, service or profession so consistently and predictably disappointed or failed in its ostensible main purpose, people would turn their backs on it. It would be overtaken, replaced and driven out of business by a better competitor.”

“The dealer for a nickel
Lord, will sell you lots of sweet dreams
Ah, but the pusher ruin your body
Lord, he'll leave your, he'll leave your mind to scream.”

“If you stick to something doggedly, you are off to a bad start.”

“Does it make you brave to stick your hand in a bear's mouth? Would you do it again just because you didn't die?”

“If you are well-to-do and can maintain your household, love your wife in your home according to good custom…Make her happy while you are alive, for she is land profitable to her lord.”

“It is your own bad strategies, not the unfair opponent, that are to blame for your failures. You are responsible for the good and bad in your life.”