“I'd like to thank the academy and I'd like to thank my mother and I'd like to thank my mother again, because I forgot to thank her last year.”

“First of all, I'd like to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ—without Him I would not be here today.”

“I'd like to thank myself, and congratulate myself, and give myself a big pat on the back.”

“Got no checkbooks, got no banks. Still I'd like to express my thanks - I've got the sun in the mornin' and the moon at night.”

“I'd like to dedicate this award to all the women before me that never had the chances that I've had, the survivors, the pioneers and the outcasts. My blood, my tradition. And I'd like to thank all the people in this industry who've respected my choices and have not been afraid of the power and dignity that that entitled me to.”

“I'd like to thank all of you for being here, gracias. You don't know how much it means to me. Gracias.”

“I would like to thank Jeff Wald because he makes my success possible, and I would like to thank God because She makes everything possible.”

“I'd like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you're reading Sarah Palin.”

“Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill?

Oh, thank goodness… I thought I'd lost it.”

“I'd like to thank Sony for their gracious hospitality, and for not repeatedly punching me in the face. If I seem a little nervous, it's because Kevin Butler was introduced to me backstage as the VP of sharpening things.”