“No one is going to beat the crap out of me more than me.”

“I don't want a fat mexican woman beating the crap out of my son.”

“You really get to meet people on such a personal level. There's a real bonding in someone beating the crap out of you.”

“The same boys who got detention in elementary school for beating the crap out of people are now rewarded for it. They call it football.”

“But with unhurrying chase,
And unperturbéd pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
They beat—and a Voice beat
More instant than the Feet—
"All things betray thee, who betrayest Me."”

“Billy squinted at me. "Why are you letting them go?"
"Because they're real."
"How do you know?"
"The one I was holding crapped on my hand.”

“In a way, I was incrediibly proud of her (not that I had any intention of letting it show while I was beating the crap out of her).”

“I'm happier than a pig eating bacon!" Count Olaf cried. "I'm tickled pinker than a sun-burned Caucasian! I'm in higher spirits than a brand-new graveyard! I'm so happy-go-lucky that lucky and happy people are going to beat me with sticks out of pure, unbridled jealousy!”

“This is a 911? You know you only text that when someone is dead or dying. You scared the crap out of me.”

“It's a big deal when you finally get the chance to do the one thing you want to do -need to do- more than anything. It can kind of scare the crap out of you.”