“…blathering store clerks who can't stop saying "Have a nice day"…”

“Obstacles can't stop you. Problems can't stop you. Most of all others can't stop you. The only one who stops you is yourself.”

“Catch-22 says they have a right to do anything we can't stop them from doing.”

“In the store, Bill is buying some pants.
Clerk: You gonna buy these?
Engvall: Nope, gonna steal 'em. Just wanted you to see them before I walked out of the store. Here's your sign.”

“Morris: I'll never speak to you again until the day I die!
Gary: Well, we can have a nice little chat then, can't we?”

“Much has been written about Generation X and the films about it. Clerks is so utterly authentic that its heroes have never heard of their generation. When they think of "X," it's on the way to the video store.”

“A friend bought two cakes for his wife's birthday, with a "3" on one and an "8" on the other.
Store clerk: Oh, do you have twins?
Bill's friend: Yup, my wife was in labor for five years.”

“Thank you, have a nice day. I will now see the president of Azerbaijan, so the nice part of the day is over.”

“In times when I encounter sad things
I have a habit of saying "I'm all right".
On that day, something had stopped for me
And no matter
how much I pray,
I can't find a single star.”

“Aren't fairy godmothers supposed to be nice and make you feel better about yourself?

… No, you're confusing fairy godmothers with sales clerks.”