“The problem with winning at blackjack and sports betting is that sooner or later a big guy in a suit tells you to leave.”

“It’s a sad fact of modern life that if you drive long enough, sooner or later you must leave London behind.”

“When you live in alignment you stop telling God how big your problems are and start telling your problems how big God is.”

“If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.”

“How can you hope to win against goddamn time travelers? It's like playing blackjack when the dealer is God. … Come to think of it, all of life is a blackjack game with God as the dealer, isn't it? So this is no worse.”

“It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you tell kids they're stupid--directly or indirectly--sooner or later they start to believe it.”

“The average guy is smart enough to know the difference between what works and what doesn't, and if you have bad information, sooner or later, you figure it out and you get onto something else.”

“I joke about it, fellas, but I tell ya, she runs that house. Good Lord. [Several female audience members cheer] Yeah, I know. I know. And if you're a married guy, I ain't telling you nothing you don't already know. But if you're single, and you're thinking about getting married, listen up. You ain't never gonna win the argument. Yeah. If guys were a sports team, we'd be 0-fer.”

“Justice will win -- because might does not make right, and the only path to lasting peace is when people know that their dignity will be respected and that their rights will be upheld. And citizens, like nations, will never settle for a world where the big are allowed to bully the small. Sooner or later, they fight back.”

“Don't bet your life on a speculative game that you can't win.”