“Truck driver gets his truck stuck under an overpass, with Engvall watching.
Cop: You get your truck stuck?
Engvall: And God bless this trucker, without missing a beat, he goes: "Nope, I was deliverin' that overpass, I ran outta gas."”

“Engvall pulls his car into a gas station after his tire goes flat.
Attendant: Tire go flat?
Engvall: Nope, I was drivin' along and the other three just swelled right up!
Attendant: Well, the heat'll do that.
Engvall: Here's your sign.”

“Engvall and his wife have, for three days, had a cement truck in their yard to re-do their porch.
Neighbor: You pouring concrete?
Bill: No, we're making big margaritas. Here's your sign.”

“Tow truck is pulling Bill's car out of his driveway
Bill's neighbor: Getting your car towed?
Bill: Nope, we're mating it, hoping to get a Mini Cooper.”

“She's a slob, she talks like a truck driver.”

“Way over on the railroad,
Tomorrow all the tipping trucks will unload together,
Every scrapbook stuck with glue,
And I'll stand beside you,
Beside you, child.”

“America is two Mack trucks colliding on a superhighway because all the drivers are on amphetamines.”

“The optimist sees the future as a rabbit sees the oncoming truck - getting bigger, not closer.”

“Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. “If you’re looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you’d be with me this morning.”
“Did he make you take a blood oath that you’d protect me?”
“He asked me if I had adequate health insurance.”

“YOU LYING WHORE!!! You used me! You never loved me! I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood! DIE! DIE! DIE! I want my records back! I want my fucking records back!”