“All my life, it seems, I have hated the guts of Max Lerner. Now, make no mistake: there is nothing personal in this rancor. I have never met, nor have I ever had any personal dealings with, Max. No, my absolute loathing for Max Lerner is disinterested, cosmic in its grandeur. It's just that ever since I was a toddler, this ugly homunculus, this pretentious jackass, has been there, towering over the American ideological scene. In the fifty-five years that I have been aware of Max's presence, in all of his many permutations and combinations and seeming twists and turns, he has taken the totally repellent position at every step of the way.”

“Don't ever leave me again." -Max
I won't. I won't not ever." -Fang”

“Max: "Okay guys, I had a couple thoughts I wanted to go over with you."
Iggy: (pretends to snore loudy)
Max: (throws another pinecone at him)
Iggy: "Quit throwing things at me!"
Max: "Glad you could join us.”

“I love you Max,"Fang said…"God, Max I love you so much."
I know. I thought. I've always known”

“I choose you, Max. -Fang”

“Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da castle.
Valerie: Think it'll work?
Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.”

“Leo Bloom: Actors are not animals! They're human beings!
Max Bialystock: They are? Have you ever eaten with one?”

“Max, you're the last of the hybrids who still has… a soul.'… 'She doesn't have soul,' Gazzy scoffed. 'Have you ever seen her dance?”

“Fang: When do I get out of here?
Max: They say a week.
Fang: So, like, tomorrow?
Max: That's what I'm thinking.”

“Max," Jace said. "Max, I’m so sorry.”