“One day you will come to Montauk and see your dad playing the piano
And see your other dad wearing glasses
Hope that you will want to stay for a while
Don’t worry I know you’ll have to go”

“I don't think we have a future. I know we do. I want to marry you and have kids and be a stay-at-home writer dad while you take Boston journalism by storm. I want to wake up beside you every day for the rest of my life.”

“Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them.
Mom: I haven't seen them.
Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!”

“I didn’t want to know that the monster that lived under your bed when you were a kid not only really is there but used to have a few beers with your dad.”

“You'd give up drinking to go see your dad?"
"Well, not permanently," he said. "That'd be ridiculous. But maybe I could switch to something slightly cheaper for a while. Like… slushes. Do you know how much I love those? Cherry, especially.”

“You’ll know her more by your questions than by her answers. Keep looking at her long enough. One day you might see someone you know.”

“I can't get over this. Dad isn't Sam's dad? Dad is a friend? How was I supposed to know that? People shouldn't be allowed to sign themselves as Dad unless they are your dad. It should be the law.”

“That wasn't your mom in you—that was your
dad.”

“Why are they sad and glad and bad? I do not know, go ask your dad.”

“Say you’ll marry me when I come back or, before God, I won’t go. I’ll stay around here and play a guitar under your window every night and sing at the top of my voice and compromise you, so you’ll have to marry me to save your reputation.”