“When my wife told me that she was anal, I thought, "Great." Turns out, there are two different kinds of "anal"… And she's the wrong one.”

“My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. ”

“My wife told me the car wasn't running well. There was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.”

“A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.”

“Could she sing? (Was it nice to hear when she did?) Was she pretty? Was she a good friend? Could she have been a loving mother? A faithful wife? Have I got a sister and does she favor me? If my mother knew me would she like me?”

“She gives me hope
When there's nothing but pain;
I can't explain it:
Two different leaves
But the branch is the same…
Forever let it be!
She takes the rain…”

“My first wife was a great housekeeper. She kept both houses.”

“She snorted. My wife has three ways of showing disapproval. She harangues loud and long when she is not very sure of her position. Or she may be entirely silent when she is terribly sure. This is usually an act of kindness on her part, as though she were dealing with a dumb animal. Or, lastly, she may snort. This means, I have at last learned, that she disagrees, that she thinks I am a dumb animal, and by God, kindness can go just so far.”

“My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. ”

“They looked like two children," she told me. And that thought frightened her, because she'd always felt that only children are capable of everything.”