“You must be a bastard for I knew your mother's husband and he was a gentleman and honest man.”

“To a gentleman, who, at the close of a fierce dispute with Porson, exclaimed, "My opinion of you is most contemptible, Sir"; he retorted, "I never knew an opinion of yours that was not contemptible."”

“I think it's your own choice if you turn from an angry young man to a bitter, old bastard.”

“An English gentleman never shines his shoes, but then nor does a lazy bastard.”

“You're a hero and a gentleman, you're kind and honest, but more than that, you're the first man I ever truly loved. And no matter what the future brings, you always will be, and I know that my life is better for it.”

“I found a man who claimed he used to be a radio engineer. And if he was an engineer, I was Albert Einstein’s mother, but at least he knew which end of a soldering iron was hot.”

“You must not suppose, because I am a man of letters, that I never tried to earn an honest living.”

“That man is such a damn turd monkey."
"Grandma!" I said.
"Oh, Zoeybird, did I call your mother's husband a damn turd monkey out loud?"
"Yes, Grandma, you did."
She looked at me, her dark eyes sparkling. "Good.”

“Many a man isn't as good as his woman, but I never knew a husband who was better than his wife.”

“That man is such a damn turd monkey."
"Grandma!" I said.
"Oh, Zoeybird, did I just call your mother's husband a damn turd monkey out loud?"
"Yes, Grandma, you did."
She looked at me, her dark eyes sparkling. "Good.”