“I cut my pubes last night. My hairs were getting longer than my penis.”

“A couple nights ago, I was licking jelly off my boyfriend's penis. And I thought, "Oh my God — I'm turning into my mother!"”

“I pray thee let me and my fellow have
A haire of the dog that bit us last night.”

“If even a single hair of my beard learns my secret, I will cut my beard from the root.”

“My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a Quaker.”

“I so detached my heart from the world and cut short my hopes that for thirty years now I have performed each prayer as though it were my last and I were praying the prayer of farewell.”

“The day I shaved my head was the most empowering moment of my whole life. The last strand of hair cut off was the moment my whole face was on show and I couldn't hide behind my hair like I used to. As I looked in the mirror I realised I had one job to do. Inspire ... Shaving your head is so empowering. You don't need hair to be beautiful. You are beautiful with or without. I learnt that too.”

“I've never had my hair cut by anybody, I do it all myself”

“Cured yesterday of my disease,
I died last night of my physician.”

“I aim to find time in my schedule for a decent night's sleep without cutting into my drinking time.”