“Thou look'st like Antichrist in that lewd hat.”

“It's a mistake, you know. You have no idea what you'll be exposed to… the obscenities and lewd comments, the lecherous gazes, the groping and pinching… and that's just my house. Imagine what it would be like here.”

“I like to know what I'm celebrating before I put on a party hat.”

“A cat for a hat, or a hat for a cat. But nothing for nothing.”

“Hat = wizard, wizard = hat. Everything else is frippery.”

“What dreamest thou, drunkard, drowsy pate?
Thy lust and liking is from thee gone;
Thou blinkard blowboll, thou wakest too late.”

“Thou art like a philosopher of the heart.”

“No! You don't wear a hat on your gentles! You wear a hat on your head where you're supposed to wear a hat!”

“To the much-tossed Ulysses, never done
With woman whether gowned as wife or whore,
Penelope and Circe seemed as one:
She like a whore made his lewd fancies run,
And wifely she a hero to him bore.”

“It was the hat. He looked sweet in the hat. How could a man in a fuzzy blue hat have used human bones to pave his roads?”