“Morgenbesser in response to B. F. Skinner: "Are you telling me it's wrong to anthropomorphize people?" (quoted by Daniel Dennett: The Evolution of Purposes)”

“Learning how to tell people to f**k off is one of the best things you can learn to do for your business.”

“In response to Leibniz's ontological query "Why is there something rather than nothing?" Morgenbesser answered "If there were nothing you'd still be complaining!"”

“Oh my God. You're a witch-hunter. I'm a witch. Hate to break it to you Daniel, but if you're a witch-hunter? You're doing it wrong."
He gave me a sidelong smile. "Maybe it's not that kind of hunting."
"Then you're definitely doing it wrong.”

“The people that tell you what you enjoy is wrong, or come in your life and tell you what you're wearing is wrong are miserable because they focus on the things that they don't like.”

“What I have discovered in 20 years of studying the universe, from here to there to everywhere, is that the universe is complicated, and when things happen, it is almost never like ‘A happened and therefore B’. No, A happened and therefore B, C, D and E, but then there is this thing F, and that had a 10% effect, and that prompted G to go back and tip over A, and it is always like this – everything is interconnected. And so a lot of these far-right fundamentalist religion people, and a lot of these people who are anti-global warming, anti-evolution, anti-science, what they do is they take advantage of the fact that things are complicated, and their lives are based on things being simple – if we do this, then this will happen – if we invade Iraq, we will be treated as liberators, if we pray, then good things will happen, and this stuff is wrong. But we have a culture where people are brought up to believe in simplicity, and if A then B. And so when you point out that scientists say the earth is warming, but we had a really devastating winter this year, then these people will say “oh, obviously global warming is wrong.””

“I'll tell you a secret I don't even know.
Baby, there's something wrong with me
Baby, there's something wrong with me
Baby, there's something wrong with me
That I can't see.”

“Immortality. I notice that as soon as writers broach this question they begin to quote. I hate quotation. Tell me what you know.”

“If you take responsibility for telling people the truth at the same time as taking responsibility for making people feel good, you will often find yourself stuck in a serious contradiction.”

“The evolution of the cosmos invokes in me a sense of mystery; the increase in biodiversity invokes the response of humility; and an understanding of the evolution of death offers me helpful ways to think about my own death.”