“When a glass sits on a table here, people don't wonder if it's half filled or half empty. They just hope it's good beer.”

“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.”

“Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.”

“Half full, half empty, what the hell difference does it make? If there's something in the damn glass, drink it.”

“Some people see the glass as half-empty, while others see it as half-full. But Jones stares at it and tries to figure out who drank the damn water.”

“One day, someone showed me a glass of water that was half full. And he said, "Is it half full or half empty?" So I drank the water. No more problem.”

“This is why you should never, ever get your hopes up. This is why you should see the glass as half empty. So when the whole thing spills, you aren’t as devastated.”

“Bacteria… have been here for three and a half billion years, and without them we have no chance whatsoever of survival. Humans are something very recent, like the froth on top of a glass of beer.”

“Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.”

“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”