“i was joking with isabelle about vampires right before it happened. just trying to make her laugh, you know? what freaks out jewish vanpires? silver stars of david? chopped liver? check for eighteen dollars?”

“If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.”

“Isabelle!” Simon called. “Stop throwing clothes at me! Just because you’re a Shadowhunter and I’m a vampire doesn’t mean we can never happen. Our love is forbidden like the love of a shark and a—and a shark hunter. But that’s what makes it special.”

“Interviewer: If I gave you fifty dollars, right now, what would you do with it?
David Byrne: I would get something to eat.”

“A guy told me he liked cherries… But… I waited to see if he was gonna say tomato… Before I realized he likes cherries just… All right, that joke is ridiculous. That's like a carbon copy of the previous joke but with different ingredients. I don't know what I was trying to pull off there.”

“Come on," he said.
"Let's get back to Alec before he decides Isabelle and Simon are having sex off in the caves and starts freaking out.”

“Don't start an argument with somebody who has a microphone when you don't. They'll make you look like chopped liver.”

“What’s your name?”
“What do you want it to be?”
“Are you a vampire?”
“Not the last time I checked.”

“You are healed." Allegra nodded. "You are no longer a Silver Blood." She paused. "But you are no longer a vampire either."
Bliss started. No longer a vampire-but what did that mean? Did it mean she was just human?”

“What? I thought you came down right on the side of go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars. 'The Law is the Law, Isabelle.' What was all that you were spouting?”