“Sometimes talking to you is like talking to myself: pretty damned annoying.”

“This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.”

“You talk too damn much and too damn much of it is about you.”

“Talking to a conservative is like talking to your refrigerator… You know, the light goes on, the light goes off; it's not going to do anything that isn't built into it… And I'm not going to talk to a conservative anymore than I talk to my damn refrigerator.”

“Sometimes thinking is like talking to another person, but that person is also you.”

“Sometimes an imitation of love can be pretty damn convincing.”

“I talk to myself everyone once in a while. Give myself very good advice. Sometimes I even take it.”

“Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with… just to screw with my subconscious.”

“Talking to you is like -- like talking to an eel!"

"No, is it? I've never tried to talk to an eel. Isn't it as waste of time?"

"Not such a waste of time as talking to you!”

“It just annoyed me that people got so into the Beatles. "Beatles, Beatles, Beatles." It's not that I don't like talking about them. I've never stopped talking about them. It's "Beatles this, Beatles that, Beatles, Beatles, Beatles, Beatles." Then in the end, it's like "Oh, sod off with the Beatles," you know?”