“A man with a beard was always a little suspect anyway. You couldn't say you wore a beard because you liked a beard. People didn't like you for telling the truth. You had to say you had a scar so you couldn't shave.”

“Darling, would you like to grow a beard?'
'Would you like me to?'
'It might be fun. I'd like to see you with a beard.'
'All right. I'll grow one. I'll start now this minute. It's a good idea. It will give me something to do.”

“Hasina: That's because you have a beard, my dear.”

“There is always a period when a man with a beard shaves it off. This period does not last. He returns headlong to his beard.”

“And no bathroom on earth will make up for marrying a bearded man you hate.”

“She cried a little, but only inside, because long ago she had decided she didn't like crying because if you ever started to cry it seemed as if there was so much to cry about you almost couldn't stop, and she didn't like that at all.”

“If a lady dislike a man with a beard, eavesdropping men will react by shaving off their beards. This, however, will result in them resembling women.”

“I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like Fidel Castro and his beard."”

“If you can't sleep with your own wife wearing a false beard, what can you do?”

“You wake up and you're still a little drunk and you can't believe that hot girl from last night actually has a beard and a penis.”