“There are four basic human needs: food, sleep, sex and revenge.”

“Men have three basic needs: Eating, sleeping, sex. That's it.”

“Good food, good sex, good digestion, good sleep: to these basic animal pleasures, man has added nothing but the good cigarette.”

“Laughter is a basic human need, along with love, and food, and an HBO subscription.”

“There are four basic food groups: plain chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and white chocolate.”

“The main facts in human life are five: birth, food, sleep, love and death.”

“Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.”

“Food, clothing and shelter — these are the basic needs. Beyond that, if you want anything, it is the beginning of self-deception.”

“The human desire for food and sex is relatively equal. If there are armed rapes, why should there not be armed hot dog thefts?”

“The best revenge, like the best sex, is performed slowly, and with the eyes open.”