“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”
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Steve Martin 81
American actor, comedian, musician, author, playwright, and… 1945Related quotes

“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.”

On doctors who ask patients to avoid Ayurveda, as quoted in " Doctors prescribing non-ayurvedic medicines are anti-national http://m.timesofindia.com/city/kolhapur/Doctors-prescribing-non-ayurvedic-medicines-are-anti-national/articleshow/52058067.cms", The Times of India (30 April 2016)

As quoted by Philibert de Gramont (1701), in Memoirs of the Court of Charles the Second (1846) by Anthony Hamilton, edited by Sir Walter Scott.
Context: Mrs. Lane and I took our journey towards Bristol, resolving to lie at a place called Long Marson, in the vale of Esham.
But we had not gone two hours on our way but the mare I rode on cast a shoe; so we were forced to ride to get another shoe at a scattering village, whose name begins with something like Long—. And as I was holding my horse's foot, I asked the smith what news? He told me that there was no news that he knew of, since the good news of the beating of the rogues the Scots. I asked him whether there was none of the English taken that joined with the Scots? He answered, that he did not hear that that rogue Charles Stewart was taken; but some of the others, he said, were taken, but not Charles Stewart. I told him, that if that rogue were taken he deserved to be hanged, more than all the rest, for bringing in the Scots. Upon which he said, that I spoke like an honest man, and so we parted.

“I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.”
Variant: I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs (2004), p. 8

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”

“My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.”
Source: It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs

“I mean some doctor told me I had six months to live and I went to their funeral.”
Source: Lebanese priest to lead new Maronite Catholic Exarchate of Colombia http://theleaven.org/lebanese-priest-to-lead-new-maronite-catholic-exarchate-of-colombia/ (3 February 2016)

Gayle King XM satellite radio program (October 23, 2006)
2007, 2008