“The wages of sin is death but so is the salary of virtue, and at least the evil get to go home early on Fridays.”

“It is easy to distinguish the evil worked by sin and vice, but the trained eye sees also the evil done by self-righteous or self-regarding virtue.”

“They get up early, because they have so much to do, and go to bed early, because they have so little to think about.”

“And I heard 'em say
Nothing's ever promised tomorrow or today
From the Chi, like Tim, it's a harder way
So this is in the name of love like Robert say
Before you ask me to go get a job today,
Can I at least get a raise on the minimum wage?”

“Someone's killed 100,000 people. We're almost going, "Well done! You killed 100,000 people? You must get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym. Your diary must look odd: 'Get up in the morning, death, death, death, death, death, death, death – lunch – death, death, death – afternoon tea – death, death, death – quick shower …' "”

“(…) Sin and virtue refer to a person only. Without a sinful or virtuous person what is sin or virtue? At the level of the absolute there are no persons; the ocean of pure awareness is neither virtuous nor sinful. Sin and virtue are invariably relative.”

“If we exiled our sins, our virtues would get lonely without their old sparring partners.”

“Friday: Baudelaires, please come with me.
Olaf: What about me?
Friday: Go away.”

“People who get up early in the morning cause war, death and famine.”

“If one by one we counted people out
For the least sin, it wouldn't take us long
To get so we had no one left to live with.
For to be social is to be forgiving.”