“Giving generously in romantic relationships, and in all other bonds, means recognizing when the other person needs our attention. Attention is an important resource.”

“If we see a romantic partnership as the only relationship that promises to meet our needs, the only one that will make us happy, the only one in which we can feel secure and establish a sense of guarantee, we will fail to recognize and we will devalue all of the other forms of relationships around us; as well as the plentitude of resources that each one offers us.”

“When we live in a society where people genuinely feel that what matters most is the romantic partnership, we have learned that other people will value and prioritize a romantic partner above all other relationships. Therefore, you are only genuinely secure and only have leverage for getting your needs met in a relationship, if you are that person’s romantic partner.”

“The foreseeing of our attention is the will to give attention, is voluntary attention.”

“To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic bonds.”

“A genuine relationship is one that is not dominated by the ego with its image-making and self-seeking. In a genuine relationship, there is an outward flow of open, alert attention toward the other person in which there is no wanting whatsoever.”

“People and families and cultures and religions and government organizations and educational sources and forms of entertainment have all been indoctrinating you with the false idea that marriage is the most important relationship you will have. And that the romantic pair bond is the only relationship in which your needs can be met.”

“To build a secure relationship, caretake the insecurity and unsafety of the other person in the relationship. And recognize when you feel insecure or unsafe in your relationship so that you can very quickly initiate re-establishing security and safety with the other person.”

“Our fifth premise is that the resource allocation task of top management has received too much attention when compared to the task of resource leverage.”

“The happiest relationships are relationships where people are compatible in terms of the type of support they need and the type of support the other person intrinsically loves to give.”