“Hello, I'm Shellie's new boyfriend and I'm out of my mind.
If you so much as talk to her or even think her name, I'll cut you in ways that'll make you useless to a woman.”

“Why is everything so confusing? Maybe I'm just out of my mind. Won't you, take me by the hand? Take me somewhere new. I don't know who you are, but I? I'm with you, I'm with you.”

“Okay. But I'm just going to be out there - having a tea party with her cats or whatever it is she has in mind. You need me? You yell. You want to leave? We go. I'll get you out of here, no matter what.”

“You are going to approve one of the biggest tax cuts in history. You are going to approve one of the biggest tax increases in history. You are going to drive business out. Your regulations are a disaster, and you're going to increase regulations all over the place. And by the way, my tax cut is the biggest since Ronald Reagan. I'm very proud of it. It will create tremendous numbers of new jobs. But regulations, you are going to regulate these businesses out of existence. … The things that business as in people like the most is the fact that I'm cutting regulation. You have regulations on top of regulations, and new companies cannot form and old companies are going out of business. And you want to increase the regulations and make them even worse. I'm going to cut regulations. I'm going to cut taxes big league, and you're going to raise taxes big league, end of story.”

“Don't talk to me. I'm tired and grumpy and I'll probably make fun of you.”

“I'm not going to get married again, I think I'll just find a woman that hates me, then buy her a house.”

“Marilyn Monroe wasn't even her real name, Charles Manson isn't his real name, and now, I'm taking that to be my real name. But what's real? You can't find the truth, you just pick the lie you like the best.”

“Don't bother her, don't try to talk to her, don't even look at her, or I'll fold you in half so many times you'll look like a tiny little origami werewolf.”

“I, um, I have this problem. I broke up with my boyfriend, you see. And I'm pretty upset about it, so I wanted to talk to my best friend. […] The thing is, they're both you.”

“That's you now, hello, ciao.
Seems that life is great now.
See me lose focus, as I sing to you loud.
I can't, no, I won't hush.
I'll say the words that make you blush.
I'm gonna sing this now.
See, I'm true, my songs are where my heart is.”