“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Attributed in Evan Esar (1949), The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations
Misattributed
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Abraham Lincoln 618
16th President of the United States 1809–1865Related quotes

“If Christianity is wine and Islam coffee, Buddhism is most certainly tea.”
Source: The Way of Zen (1957), p. 190

Song lyrics, Lionheart (1978)

“I don't drink coffee I take tea my dear
I like my toast done on one side…"
()”
Source: Nothing Like the Sun

During a radio broadcast recorded in the UK. (During a broadcast in the Soviet Union, Bob re-used the first section, replacing 'England' with 'Russia' and 'cup of tea' with 'Bowl of Borscht')
Audio recording of radio broadcast.

“Tea is a work of art and needs a master hand to bring out its noblest qualities.”
Kakuzō Okakura, The Book of Tea (1906), Ch. II.

“There are two things in life that keep me motivated, a cup of coffee and a second cup of coffee.”
Source: Robert Galinsky (2013) Coffee Crazy, p. 88