“You can't go around making plans that have you getting killed as a by-product. Eventually one of them is going to.”
Source: Black Heart
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Holly Black 160
American children's fiction writer 1971Related quotes

“Go and do the things you can't. That is how you get to do them.”

Senate floor, 2011-04-08.
Jon Kyl Tweets Not Intended to Be Factual Statements
Colbert Nation
2011-04-15
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/381484/april-12-2011/jon-kyl-tweets-not-intended-to-be-factual-statements
2011-04-15.
According to Planned Parenthood, abortion makes up 3% of their health services http://www.plannedparenthood.org/about-us/who-we-are/planned-parenthood-glance-5552.htm.

Podcast Series 1 Episode 3
On Monkeys

“If you're going to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh; otherwise they'll kill you.”
Credited to Shaw in the lead in to the mockumentary C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America (2004) and other recent works, but this or slight variants of it are also sometimes attributed to W. C. Fields, Charlie Chaplin, and Oscar Wilde. It might possibly be derived from Shaw's statement in John Bull's Other Island (1907): "My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world."
Another possibility is that it is derived from Shaw's characteristic of Mark Twain: "He has to put things in such a way as to make people who would otherwise hang him believe he is joking."
Variants:
If you are going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you.
If you're going to tell people the truth, you'd better make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you.
Disputed