“If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.”

“… oppression is as American as apple pie…”

“I’m as humble and sweet as apple pie.”

“On the independence of irrelevant alternatives: Morgenbesser, ordering dessert, is told by the waitress that he can choose between apple pie and blueberry pie. He orders the apple pie. Shortly thereafter, the waitress comes back and says that cherry pie is also an option; Morgenbesser says "In that case I'll have the blueberry pie."”

“The best of all physicians
Is apple pie and cheese!”

“I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe.”

“Apple pie without the cheese is like a kiss without the squeeze.”

“Therefore, you must accept a gift only from those whom you wish to make as your masters.”

“If you wish me to weep, you yourself
Must first feel grief.”
Si vis me flere, dolendum est primum ipsi tibi.

“The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe!”