“If you apologize for something that isn't your fault in the first place, you, in effect, confirm their belief that it is your fault.”
How to Save Your Own Life (1977)
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Erica Jong 95
Novelist, poet, memoirist, critic 1942Related quotes
“If you're born poor it's not your fault, but if you die poor it's your fault.”
Quoted in various publications, without any further sourcing. The quote is dubious in view of the Gates Foundation's public mission, "to lift people out of hunger and extreme poverty." Gates was born to an affluent family.
Misattributed
“If someone betrays you once, it’s their fault; if they betray you twice, it’s your fault.”
Part VI: Welcome to the Dollhouse, page 239.
Going Postal: Rage, Murder, and Rebellion, From Reagan's Workplaces to Clinton's Columbine and Beyond (2005)
Context: Cruel and callous when on top, afraid and smiling all the way to the grave when not- that pretty much sums up the post-Reagan zeitgeist. And if you're not just as cheerful as the rest, "you've got some personal problems." You're a weirdo if you complain. It's your own fault if you're traumatized by a massacre. It's your own fault if you're poor. It's your own fault if you get downsized, overworked, bullied, and fail. Get over it.
Majlisi, Bihārul Anwār, vol.78, p. 128
General Quotes
“Love your Enemies, for they tell you your Faults.”
Poor Richard's Almanack (1756); this has also been quoted in a paraphrased form used by Bill Clinton in [ 1998 address to Beijing University http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/122320.stm, as "Our critics are our friends, they show us our faults".
Poor Richard's Almanack
“View all conflicts as your own fault first.”
Books, Spiritual Warrior, Volume III: Solace for the Heart in Difficult Times (Hari-Nama Press, 2000)