Chris Rock cytaty (71 cytatów, strona 2)

Chris Rock: 71 cytatów0 Polubień

Chris Rock słynne cytaty

„Spaceruję sobie czasem z córką, rozmawiam z nią. Patrzę, jak leży sobie w wózeczku, i czasem ją podnoszę, patrzę na nią i wiem, że moim jednym zadaniem w życiu… jest trzymać ją z dala od rury. Ojcowie nie dostają ocen, ale jeśli masz córkę striptizerkę, to, kurwa nie zdałeś!”

Chris Rock

„Rasizm wszędzie, wszyscy wkurwieni. Czarni krzyczą, „Rasizm!” Biali krzyczą, „Odwrócony rasizm!” Chińczycy krzyczą, „Boczny rasizm!””

Chris Rock

Tylko Indianie nic nie krzyczą, bo są martwi.
Black people yelling "racism!" White people yelling "reverse racism!" Chinese people yelling "sideways racism!" And the Indians ain't yelling shit, 'cause they dead. (ang.)
Źródło: Bigger and Blacker.

„Jeśli chodzi o kobiety i pieniądze to powiem wam to od razu, nic nie wysusza cipki szybciej, niż kobieta sięgająca po portfel.”

Chris Rock

„Jeśli nie planowałeś morderstwa, to nie byłeś zakochany.”

Chris Rock

Źródło: Bigger and Blacker.

„Czarni nie mają nic do Żydów. Czarni nienawidzą Białych! Nie mamy czasu, żeby dzielić Białych na mniejsze grupki.”

Chris Rock

Źródło: Bigger and Blacker.

„Faceci kłamią najczęściej, kobiety mówią największe kłamstwa. Panowie, kłamiemy cały czas. Tak często kłamiemy, że to prawie nasz cholerny język. Oskarżać faceta o kłamstwo to tak jak grać w kosza z upośledzonym dzieciakiem i łapać go na robieniu „podwójnej”. Trzeba mu trochę odpuścić. Wiecie jak wygląda kłamstwo faceta? Wygląda tak: „Byłem u Tony’ego.” „Jestem u Kenny’ego.” To kłamstwo faceta. Kłamstwo kobiety to: „To twoje dziecko.” „Nawet nie wygląda jak ja!””

Chris Rock

„Ale ma twoją czapkę!”

Chris Rock cytaty

„Przechodziliście kiedyś ciężki okres z kobietą, gdy straciliście pracę? Wasza kobieta próbowała was pocieszyć: „Kochanie, nie martw się, przejdziemy przez to. Wiem, że mamy rachunki do zapłacenia, ale jeśli mamy pozbyć się jakiegoś gówna, to się go pozbędziemy.” – Ona mówi wtedy o tobie! Jeśli straciliście pracę, to straciliście też kobietę, może nie odejdzie w ten sam dzień, ale odliczanie się rozpoczęło.”

Chris Rock

„USA to najlepszy kraj na świecie. Nawet Czarni mają szczęście, że tu są. Ale jeśli jesteś Czarny, to patrzysz na USA nieco inaczej. Jeśli jesteś Czarny, to USA jest jak wujek, który płacił ci za studia, ale cię molestował.”

Chris Rock

„Znacie mit striptizerek? Jest taki mit, mocno zakorzeniony w społeczeństwie. Ten mit to: „Tańczę, by opłacić czesne.” To nie prawda! Nie ma striptizerek na studiach! Nie ma przezroczystych szpilek na biologii. Cholera, nie wiedziałem, że jest uniwersytet, który przyjmuje tylko jednodolarówki.”

Chris Rock

„Nie pokonasz kobiety w kłótni, to niemożliwe. Nie wygracie, bo jeśli chodzi o kłótnię, to my mamy pod górkę. Bo my musimy mówić z sensem.”

Chris Rock

Chris Rock: Cytaty po angielsku

“Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter's gonna come home with Livin' La Vida Loca!”

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Chris Rock

Bigger and Blacker (HBO, 1999)

“You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.”

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Chris Rock

In regards to fame https://web.archive.org/web/20070314185437/http://www.craveonline.com/humor/articles/04647576/everybody_loves_chris.html Miscellaneous

“When a woman get pregnant, it's an issue between her and her girlfriends. When a woman get pregnant, her and her girlfriends form an abortion tribunal, and they vote on the child like it was Survivor. Then the first girlfriend throws in her two cents: "Child, you should have that baby, that man got some good hair, it's wavy, it's wavy." Then second girlfriend throws in her two cents: "Girl, why are we even talking about this? Ain't we supposed to go to Cancun next weekend? Get rid of that baby." And that's how life is decided in America.”

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Chris Rock

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out a fuckin' window and slit his throat on the way down saying, "I can't even put gas in my plane!"”

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Chris Rock

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club and the sun is out, you got some problems!”

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Chris Rock

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come.”

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Chris Rock

The Six Best Jokes From Wednesday Night's Chris Rock Show at MSG, 2008-05-02, 2008-05-05, New York Magazine http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/05/the_five_best_jokes_from_chris.html, Miscellaneous

“Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.”

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Chris Rock

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“[on John McCain] I don't need a president with a bucket list!”

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Chris Rock

Kill the Messenger (2008)

“If you said more words to him than "mommy'll be back", he might know something!”

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Chris Rock

Bigger and Blacker (HBO, 1999)

“George Bush hates midgets.”

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Chris Rock

At a concert supporting Katrina Relief, in reference to Kanye West's comment
Miscellaneous

“You can't beat white people, you can only knock them out.”

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Chris Rock

Chris Rock on Real Time with Bill Maher, September 26, 2008
Miscellaneous

“Have you been watching American Idol? They have Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul judging the singing. Paula Abdul?! Getting Paula Abdul to judge a singing contest is like getting Christopher Reeve to judge a dance contest!”

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Chris Rock

Miscellaneous

“You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere.”

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Chris Rock

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America … but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's trying keep the Feds off her back.”

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Chris Rock

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check … is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"”

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Chris Rock

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.”

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Chris Rock

Bring the Pain (HBO, 1996)

“What is on Kobe's mind? Going to Colorado, around all these white people, and not bringing Johnnie Cochran? Well then they say, "well if you hire Johnnie Cochran, you're going to look guilty." Yeah, but you going home! You want to look innocent in jail? I'd rather look guilty at the mall.”

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Chris Rock

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! "This is a rap killing. Let's go home!"”

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Chris Rock

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“I hope that Live Earth ends global warming the same way the Live Aid ended world poverty.”

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Chris Rock

In an interview at Live Earth in London
Miscellaneous

“Black Santa Claus caused more tears than the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.”

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Chris Rock

From Everybody Hates Chris second season episode, "Everybody Hates Chris"
Miscellaneous

“If the kid call his grandmama "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he going to jail!”

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Chris Rock

Bigger and Blacker (HBO, 1999)

“Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club. You know what I'm talking about. Every club you go into, there's always some old guy. He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club.”

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Chris Rock

Bring the Pain (HBO, 1996)

“See… Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both people have to have the same focus, and we all know what that page is. We all know what that focus is. In order for the relationship to work both people have to have the same focus, and what's that focus? That focus is all about HER! It's all about her!”

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Chris Rock

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.”

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Chris Rock

Bring the Pain (HBO, 1996)

“Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks”

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Chris Rock

https://twitter.com/chrisrock/status/220512157937315842 Twitter 2012-07-04, quoted in Chris Rock Lights Up Controversy With Fourth of July Tweet, 2012-07-06, ABC News http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/07/chris-rock-fires-up-controversy-with-fourth-of-july-tweet/, Miscellaneous

“You mean to tell me that Hawaiians came up with pineapples, resorts, hula hoops, Magnum P. I. and the best damn punch in the world and they don't get no money from it!?”

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Chris Rock

Never Scared (Album Version, 2005)

“The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they're not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, "If you'd done that in the movie, you'd have won an Oscar, girl."”

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Chris Rock

At the Academy Awards as host
Miscellaneous

“Everybody want to know what the kids was listening to, what kind of music they was listening to, or what kind of movies they was watching. Who gives a fuck what they was watching? Whatever happened to CRAZY?”

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Chris Rock

Bigger and Blacker (Album Version, 1999)