“Bristow hasn't hit it yet. What this country needs is a good five-cent cigar.”

“Another good touch. What do we charge for a regular martini?”
“Ninty-five cents—ninety-eight cents with tax.
What's it do to the tips?”
Builds them. There aren’t as many dimes and nickels around, so they usually leave two-bits. The two cents' change is a sting to conscience.””

“A cigar," said the altruist, "a cigar, my good man, I cannot give you. But any time you need a light, just come round, mine is always lit.”

“It doesn't feel like a date. It doesn't feel like friendship. It feels like something that fell off the tightrope but hasn't yet hit the net.”

“You can't get good Chinese takeout in China and Cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism.”

“The way I see it, anyone who's proud of their country is either a thug or just hasn't read enough history yet.”

“And a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.”

“Less than fifteen cents to the province and more than twenty-five cents to Ottawa, this is far from being excessive!”

“Don't use a five-dollar word when a fifty-cent word will do.”

“[As a painting teacher] I'm not flirting, playing around. I'm serious about it... If you don't want to be serious about playing [at art], do something of no account. Go into banking. Buy collar buttons at five cents a dozen and sell them for five cents a piece.”