“Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.”

“One question," I said. "Did you tell me all that because you think I'm going to die?"
"No," he said. "It's because you're doing something brave, and I felt I should too."
"I'll take that as a yes," I said.”

“I said to a guy, I said, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful?", and he said, "Well, it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"”

“When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?”

“"I love you, too" David said and took the bottle.
"I want you to love me in particular," Helena said”

“It's said that God is love, but I don't know if He hates the devil like humans do too.”

“Maybe… you'll fall in love with me all over again."
"Hell," I said, "I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?"
"Yes. I want to ruin you."
"Good," I said. "That's what I want too.”

“'Abdullah ibn Mughaffal said, "A man said to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, "Messenger of Allah, by Allah, I love you." He said, "Be careful of what you say." He said, "By Allah, I love you," three times. He said, "If you love me, then prepare yourself for poverty. Poverty comes swifter to the one who loves me than a flood to its destination."”

“Just before our love got lost you said
"I am as constant as a northern star"
And I said, constantly in the darkness,
Where's that at?
If you want me I'll be in the bar.”

“What… what are you doing?"
"I won't know," he said with a grin. He took a step towards me. "But I'm pretty sure you were doing it too.”