“For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat. ”

— George Carlin

Last update June 3, 2021. History

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George Carlin 270

American stand-up comedian 1937–2008

Related quotes

“Everything I did on that show was me screwing around in the hallways, running around looking for attention. Joe Pesci, I never said 'Oh, I wanna do the Joe Pesci Show.' It was me, sitting around, bored out of my mind, and just walking the hallways going [Joe Pesci voice] 'Where do you get your culios big enough to call me…wait, I'm not gonna answer ya! S'ya worryin' about your weight, ya fat bastard, otherwise you wouldn't have problems upstairs doin' ya wife!' And this stoner guy, who was an intern, said 'Hey man, you should do that on [Weekend] Update!' He said, 'Well, "Casino's" coming out, and you should go on as Pesci and have Norm [MacDonald] say he's never heard of it.' Originally, it was me and the stoner intern, and I'd go on and Norm MacDonald's [Norm MacDonald voice] 'Hey, here to see, tell you how to do a movie, is Joe Pesci over here!' And I'd come on, [Joe Pesci voice] 'Hey, blah blah blah blah!' And he goes 'Well, I've never heard of it,' and I knock the crap out of him. And then some writer was like 'Wait wait wait, what are you doing? Hey, I've got an idea for it.'”

Jim Breuer (1967) American actor and comedian

And then we went in...
Explaining the origin of the Joe Pesci skits in an interview on Mancow's Morning Madhouse
Unsourced

“You, the Poles, have a funny nature. When the people going along the road are attacked by a dog with its insistent and noisy barking, you immediately feel like jumping off the vehicle, standing on all fours and starting to bark back at it. We, in the Vilnius region, let the dog bark because that is what its canine nature is like but we do not stop out journey because of its canine barking and without any war against dogs we calmly continue our journey until we reach our destination. It seems that you care more about barking more than the dog does and about winning the war with any lousy puppy than about reaching the destination quickly.”

Józef Piłsudski (1867–1935) Polish politician and Prime Minister

Jerzy Robert Nowak, Na przekór skorpionom. Wyznania upartego Polaka, Warszawa 2005, p. 52.
Attributed

“dear joe, your wild noisy huge brother is dead.
I couldn't do what my parents did:
bring two boys, four years apart through the maze.”

Michael Rosen (1946) British children's writer

Carrying the Elephant

“It's amazing what one can accomplish when one doesn't know what one can't do.”

Jim Davis (1945) American cartoonist and creator of Garfield

“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit”

Harry Truman (1884–1972) American politician, 33rd president of the United States (in office from 1945 to 1953)

This is attributed to Truman in some sources, but a similar saying is recorded as early as 1909 https://books.google.com/books?id=bidJAAAAIAAJ&dq=how%20much%20%22care%20who%20gets%20the%20credit%22&pg=PA26#v=onepage&q=how%20much%20%22care%20who%20gets%20the%20credit%22&f=false.
Misattributed

“Dogs, also, bark at what they do not know.”

Heraclitus (-535) pre-Socratic Greek philosopher

Fragment 97
Numbered fragments

“Accomplishment is something you cannot buy. If you have a chance and don’t make the most of it, you are wasting your time on this earth. It is not what you do in baseball or sports, but how hard you try. Win or lose, I try my best”

Roberto Clemente (1934–1972) Puerto Rican baseball player

Clemente's oft-cited "wasting your time on this earth" admonition, but in a context quite distinct from that of its ubiquitous counterpart (which is likewise contained in this speech—see below); from the opening of his Tris Speaker Memorial Award acceptance speech, delivered on January 29, 1971; as quoted in "800 Turn Out for Baseball Dinner" by Joe Heiling (The Houston Post, January 30, 1971, p. 1-B) and "Post Time: Clemente's Catch Proves Point" by Houston Post sports editor Clark Nealon (The Houston Post, June 18, 1971, p. 5-D).
Other, <big><big>1970s</big></big>, <big>1971</big>
Context: I am a very proud person. Baseball has helped send my brothers and nephews to school. But more than that, baseball has become my whole life. Accomplishment is something you cannot buy. If you have a chance and don’t make the most of it, you are wasting your time on this earth. It is not what you do in baseball or sports, but how hard you try. Win or lose, I try my best.