“Last week, Mr President, I seemed to hear a strange sound emanating from Blackpool. And I thought at first it was seagulls. [laughter] Then I remembered that Labour was holding its annual Conference there. And I realised it wasn't seagulls, it was chickens—[laughter and applause] chickens being counted before they were hatched—[laughter and applause] except for Labour's call to enter the ERM and cut interest rates. That was a case of counting chickens after they'd flown the coop. Then, I heard voices getting all worked up about someone they kept calling the “Prime Minister in Waiting”. [laughter] It occurs to me, Mr President, that he might have quite a wait. [applause] I can see him now, like the people queuing up for the Winter sales. All got up with his camp bed, hot thermos, woolly balaclava, CND badge… [laughter and applause] Waiting, waiting, waiting… And then when the doors open, in he rushes—only to find that, as always, there's “that woman” ahead of him again. [applause and laughter] I gather there may be an adjective between “that” and “woman” [laughter] only no-one will tell me what it is. [laughter and applause]”

Ch. 10: "Let hope predominate but be not too visionary" http://www.fourmilab.ch/etexts/www/barnum/moneygetting/moneygetting_chap11.html
Art of Money Getting (1880)

Letter from Paris (May 1900)

Source: Don Quixote de la Mancha (1605–1615), Part II (1615), Book III, Ch. 55.

Part Troll (2004)

Introductio ad prudentiam: Part II (1727), Gnomologia (1732)

Source: A Wild Sheep Chase: A Novel (1982), Chapter 13, The Rat's First Letter

"Clear Island"
Ghostwritten (1999)

Source: Book of a Thousand Days

While eating "Chicken of the Sea" canned tuna
Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica, "Newlyweds Clean House" [1.01], 19 August 2003