“I was five years old the first time I got drunk.”

“The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.”

“I've got two daughters, nine years old and six years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby.”

“When anybody, no matter how old they are, loses a parent, I think it hurts the same as if you were only five years old, you know? I think all of us are always five years old in the presence and absence of our parents.”

“The first five years that I did Cerebus I could have made more money baby-sitting (that isn't a joke). Five years. Think about it.”

“I think all of us are always five years old in the presence and absence of our parents.”

“I'm not guilty? [Laughs] Does that include the time I stole a comic book when I was five years old? I'm not guilty of the charges which have been filed against me.”

“I’m thirty,” I said. “I’m five years too old to lie to myself and call it honor”

“When I was writing it, I was remembering how hard it was to be a 16-year-old in high school. I always wanted to be an artist, so I was this loner kid who just got drunk all the time. I only had one real friend. There was a girl I really liked, and she ended up taking really sleazy photographs with her boyfriend, and that really crushed me, I was just swimming in this pit of despair, jealousy and alcoholism.”

“You go to him for advice? He’s only what? Five years old? I swear I own older sweaters. (Tory)”