“And you know, I always wanted to work in a delicatessen just so that a woman would come in one day and ask me to give her some tongue. And I'd say "Well, I don't get off 'till four o'clock." And she'd say "Well, I don't get off at all. That's why I'm looking for some tongue!"”

Playing With Your Head (1986)

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George Carlin270

American stand-up comedian 1937–2008

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“So you think I need some discipline, well, I had my share. I have been sent to my room. I've been sat in a chair. I held my tongue. I didn't plug my ears. No, I got a good talking to. And now I don't know why, but I still try to smile when they talk at me like I'm just a child. Well, I'm not a child. No, I am much younger than that. And now I have read some books and have grown quite brave. If only I could just speak up I think I would say that there is no truth. There is only you and what you make the truth.”

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“I was at some night once, right. It was some night out and er, some people come running on stage. And some music started coming on. These four people came running out, it was two women, two blokes. It wasn't gay an' that. It was just a normal night -well, y'know, some party night out. These people come running on. You've got two women, you've got two blokes. They whip their knickers off. The fellas whip their undies off. All at the same time, like er, whatsit? Cheryl Baker was in it… Bucks Fizz. So that happened and all I'm saying is, right; before I had a look at the woman's bits, I just had a cheeky glance at the fellas' bits, just checkin' it out, checking everything's normal down there. Believe me, I had a look at the ladies' bits but I didn't know how long that pants were going to left off for.”

Karl Pilkington (1972) English television personality, social commentator, actor, author and former radio producer

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“If you get typecast, it's up to you to break that. Since I started real young, getting roles where they would ask me to take my clothes off, I would get those [types of] scripts over and over. The fact that I'm still here and working… I don't know if it's so much because of my performances or something else.”

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“You should know me well enough by now to know I don't ask for things I don't think I can get.”

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“Well, all I can say is, it's a day-by-day program, and so I'm very worried about relapsing, but I don't know. I don't want to use. I don't want to go back to that place because nothing good came of it. It was super dark; it's not nice.”

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“Then there was this extra on the set who runs up to me and says, "Oh, I know you! I know who you is, I seen you before. You that comedienne, Margaret Cho! I saw you at the Comedy Store. You was wearin' a kimono and you was bowin'." "No, that's the other one." "Oh, right! Now I remember. I just didn't recognize you because you've put on a little weight since your show." And it didn't piss me off that she said that, but it was that she said, "You put on a lot of *gestures* weight!" so I'll know exactly where I put it. And it pissed me off, so I just sort of talked about it to everybody for the whole day. The next day I come into work and the assistant producer comes over to me and says, "Uh, you know that lady from the other day? Well, don't worry. We took care of her."”

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“And you know, I always wanted to work in a delicatessen just so that a woman would come in one day and ask me to give her some tongue. And I'd say "Well, I don't get off 'till four o'clock." And she'd say "Well, I don't get off at all. That's why I'm looking for some tongue!"”

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George Carlin270

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