“[on being condescended to by a flight attendant] Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't wanna be a jackass…you just pushed my jackass button.”

“I have black-out shades in my apartment, I push a button, it’s totally dark. I think I’m a bit of a vampire in real life, and there are times when I just want to be myself. I wanna be alone.”

“If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.”

“I wanna be a shower in the morning
That wakes you up and makes you clean
I know I'm just the weather against your window
As you sleep through a winter's dream”

“I mean, after a certain age you figure out just because a button works doesn't mean you have to push it.”

“I had to get up at five in the morning to push that man around the market and the only reason why I do this job, my only motivation, is that I don't have to get up early - and I didn't even get a free apple. Bastards.”

“Maybe it’s just the lack of fun-factor, or maybe it started with harlotry being misused as a fulcrum for women’s liberation, but if you so much as suggest to someone that abstinence might be beneficial, you’ll often find yourself vilified as a judgmental jackass faster than Bill Maher can throw up his dainty hands.”

“Don't be cautious, don't be kind
You committed, I'm your crime
Push my button anytime
You got your finger on the trigger, but your trigger finger's mine”

“Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back.
What a Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl.
Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back,
Push up my bra like that. I don't wanna be a stupid girl.”

“I wanna be high, so high.
I wanna be free to know
The things I do are right.
I wanna be free,
Just me, babe!
That's why I'm easy.
I'm easy like Sunday morning.”