“Max Bialystock: I'm wearing a cardboard belt!”

“Leo Bloom: Actors are not animals! They're human beings!
Max Bialystock: They are? Have you ever eaten with one?”

“Max Bialystock: How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?”

“Max-I'm not going to die today.”

“Fang: When do I get out of here?
Max: They say a week.
Fang: So, like, tomorrow?
Max: That's what I'm thinking.”

“Oh you're a wrestler now? Remember I'm the black belt in ju-jitsu.”

“And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.”

“Vazquez is the fiercest opponent I have ever faced and I wear my super bantamweight championship belt with pride because I won it by defeating him.”

“Nudge threw her arms around my neck. 'I love you Max! I love all of us too!'
Yeah, me too,' Said the Gasman. 'I don't care if we have our house, or a cliff ledge, or a cardboard box. Home is wherever we all are, together.”

“When we erected banners some smart people appeared and started pointing at miniskirts. Our women have been wearing miniskirts since 1950s, and they never thought about wearing an explosive belt. You can wear even tarpaulin boots on your head, but do not organise bombings. This is not religion. Let them wear even miniskirts but there must not be any blasts.”