“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.”

“I wouldn't dream of following a fashion… how could one be a different person every three months?”

“I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.”

“Pride was the belt you used to hold your pants up when you had no pants.”

“Humanity i love you because you
are perpetually putting the secret of
life in your pants and forgetting
it's there and sitting down

on it
and because you are
forever making poems in the lap
of death Humanity

i hate you”

“You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.”

“You should be able to do things that you wouldn't do. That's the definition of a genuinely moral person. They could do it, but they don't.”

“You who are reading this are at least partially awake. You are a cut above Joe and Jill Sixpack. So I say to you: think about what you are doing with your life. Think about the responsibility you have to your children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. Think about the responsibility you have to all of those who came before you and whose sacrifices made your life possible. And think about your responsibility to yourself, your responsibility to be the best person, the most righteous person, that you can be. Think about all of these things, and then let me hear from you.”

“If you could only love enough, you could be the most powerful person in the world.”

“My family wasn't troubled by much dysfunction. The most hotly contested issue was probably 'Who is going to have the most peas?'. Consequently, I haven't got much time for angst. Anything that happens to you is your own responsibility.”