Woody Allen citations

“Le sexe est la chose la plus amusante que vous puissiez avoir sans même rire.”

“La confiance est ce que vous avez avant de comprendre le problème, et après l'avoir résolu.”

“Huit pour cent du succès se manifeste.”

“Si vous n'échouez pas de temps en temps, c'est un signe que vous ne faites rien de ouf”

“Dieu est silencieux. Maintenant, si seulement l'homme se taisait. Pour devenir dieu?”

“Faire son chemin dans la vie n'est pas simple et tout ce qui peut marcher sans nuire à autrui est une bonne chose”

“[…] si j'étais un homme d'État grec, je ne ferais jamais confiance aux Troyens. As-tu remarqué qu'ils ne prennent jamais de vacances?”

“Je suis ouvert d'esprit sur le sexe je ne suis pas irréprochable. Pour tout dire, je suis au delà des reproches, de que je veux dire. Si j'étais pris demain dans une partouze avec douze petites-filles, les gens penseraient, oui, j'ai toujours su ça de lui. Rien de ce que je pourrais dévoiler ne surprendrait qui que ce soit … Je reconnais tout.”

“Non seulement la vie est horrible, mais en plus elle est courte.”

“Du côté positif, mourir est une des rares choses que l'on puisse faire aussi bien couché que debout.”

“Selon moi, le cinéma a eu deux artistes fondamentaux : Orson Welles et Stanley Kubrick.”

“Non seulement Dieu n'existe pas, mais essayez d'avoir un plombier pendant le week-end!”

“Je ne connais pas la question, mais le sexe est définitivement la réponse.
Une obsession je crois”

“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.”

“To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.”

“Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.”

“Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.”

“It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.”

“I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.”

“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”

“I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.”

“Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.”

“You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.”

“I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.”

“I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.”

“Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not exist. Therefore death does not exist. Only truth exists. Truth and beauty. Each is interchangeable, but are aspects of themselves. Er, what specifically did they say they had in mind for me?”

“Harry: (On being called a self-hating Jew) Hey, I may hate myself, but not because I'm Jewish.”

“Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.”

“The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.”

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”

“Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.”

“God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.”

“Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.”

“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”

“Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.”

“I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland.”

“It's a match made in heaven… by a retarded angel.”

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”

“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”

“If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.”

“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.”

“If it turns out that there is a God… the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.”