Woody Allen: Trending quotes

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Woody Allen: 458 quotes31 likes

“I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.”

Woody Allen

Standup Comic (1999)
Context: A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said "no."

“Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.”

Woody Allen book Getting Even

Getting Even (1971), My Philosophy

“Harry: Tradition is the illusion of permanence.”

Woody Allen

Deconstructing Harry (1997)

“Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?”

Woody Allen

“Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.”

Woody Allen

Source: Annie Hall: Screenplay

“The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.”

Woody Allen

“There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?”

Woody Allen

“I am at two with nature.”

Woody Allen

“Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.”

Woody Allen

Standup Comic (1999)

“When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”

Woody Allen

Standup Comic (1999)

“Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.”

Woody Allen book Getting Even

Getting Even (1971), My Philosophy

“The wicked at heart probably know something.”

Woody Allen Without Feathers

Source: Without Feathers

“Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!”

Woody Allen

“Living is messy.”

Woody Allen

“Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK?
It'll be a year come April 20th.
I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday”

Woody Allen

“We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices…”

Woody Allen

Source: Crimini e misfatti