Terry Pratchett: Trending quotes (page 34)

“She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do.
And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find
herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella.”

“The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn't sure it was worth all the effort.”

“Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.”

“Goodness is about what you do. Not who you pray to.”

“I commend my soul to any god that can find it.”

“She walked quickly through the darkness with the frank stride of someone who was at least certain that the forest, on this damp and windy night, contained strange and terrible things and she was it.”

“Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.”

“Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them”

“The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.”

“What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.
Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head.”

“Blessings be on this house," Granny said, perfunctorily. It was always a good opening remark for a witch. It concentrated people's minds on what other things might be on this house.”

“I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'
If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?”

“Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk.”

“She was also, by the standards of other people, lost. She would not see it like that. She knew where she was, it was just that everywhere else didn't.”

“There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were… what was the word… deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style.”

“Joy is to fun what the deep sea is to a puddle. It’s a feeling inside that can hardly be contained.”

“Steal five dollars and you're a common thief. Steal thousands and you're either the government or a hero.”

“No, what he didn't like about heroes was that they were usually suicidally gloomy when sober and homicidally insane when drunk.”

“A good plan isn't one where someone wins, it's where nobody thinks they've lost.”