Teal Swan: Relationship (page 2)

“Mankind's greatest shadow is the incapability to have relationships.”

“We have a conditional relationship with the truth. We only want truth if it makes us feel more stable. We only want truth if it makes us feel more in control. We only want truth if it makes us feel good. And this conditional relationship that we have with the truth will be our downfall.”

“Dysfunctional relationship is not the exception. It is the norm. The only reason people don't realize it is because they've normalized the dysfunction.”

“When we live in a society where people genuinely feel that what matters most is the romantic partnership, we have learned that other people will value and prioritize a romantic partner above all other relationships. Therefore, you are only genuinely secure and only have leverage for getting your needs met in a relationship, if you are that person’s romantic partner.”

“If we see a romantic partnership as the only relationship that promises to meet our needs, we will put all the pressure on that other person to be the one to meet all of our needs, which is impossible. No one person can meet all of our needs. So, it is a set up for disappointment and for pain.”

“If we see a romantic partnership as the only relationship that promises to meet our needs, the only one that will make us happy, the only one in which we can feel secure and establish a sense of guarantee, we will fail to recognize and we will devalue all of the other forms of relationships around us; as well as the plentitude of resources that each one offers us.”

“People and families and cultures and religions and government organizations and educational sources and forms of entertainment have all been indoctrinating you with the false idea that marriage is the most important relationship you will have. And that the romantic pair bond is the only relationship in which your needs can be met.”

“One of the biggest barriers to people getting their needs met in the modern world is that so many people glorify the romantic partnership while devaluing every other type of relationship.”

“The current way that people make their relationship last is by adopting dysfunction and adapting to dysfunction.”

“It doesn't work to compromise in a relationship because a person can’t give up something that they value (and thus give up what really matters to them) without experiencing pain that eventually causes disharmony in the relationship.”

“It is tempting to think that the majority of relationships are functional and that dysfunctional relationships are the rarity. But the reverse is actually true. Most relationships between people on earth today fall somewhere on the scale of dysfunction.”

“Relationships are the central part of life and also the hardest part of life and yet our schools teach us a minimum of 13 years of math and science and geography and history, but nothing about relationships and how to make them work.”

“Relationships involve the inevitability of rupture. The degree of security and joy felt within a relationship is about our capacity to create repair.”

“To build a secure relationship, caretake the insecurity and unsafety of the other person in the relationship. And recognize when you feel insecure or unsafe in your relationship so that you can very quickly initiate re-establishing security and safety with the other person.”

“Be workable all you can in a relationship, but do not compromise.”

“The most common reason that relationships fall apart is because of safety. On a subconscious level, even though our relationships grant us a sense of safety, if we perceive that something about a relationship makes us unsafe, we care more about our own safety than we care about the other person’s experience and we care more about our own safety than we care about the health of the relationship itself.”

“Compromise and workability are two very different things. Compromise undermines your values. It corrodes your life. It ruins relationships. Workability preserves your values. It enhances your life. And it strengthens relationships.”

“If you do not keep your word, you will have demonstrated that you do not hold yourself to standards of conduct. You will have demonstrated that you care more about your own personal happiness and whims than you do about the pain of others. You will have demonstrated that you do not value your relationships and even that you do not value the people you are in a relationship with. You will have demonstrated yourself to be a person who lacks Integrity and honor. You will have demonstrated that you cannot be relied upon and that you cannot be trusted. You will be seen as an unsafe person. You will ruin the way that other people will see you, most especially you will lose their respect. And on the road to this ultimate loss, you will have created non-stop conflict in all of your relationships.”

“The way forward is not independence. It is the mastery of relationship.”