Steven Wright: Doing

“If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?”

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates… When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”

“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said”

“If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?”

“Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?”

“Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?”

“What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?”

“What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?”

“How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?”

“How do you get off a non-stop flight?”

“When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?”

“I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.”

“Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?”

“If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?”