Steven Wright: Trending quotes

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Steven Wright: 356 quotes14 likes

“What's another word for thesaurus?”

Steven Wright

“The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.”

Steven Wright

“Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”

Steven Wright

“I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.”

Steven Wright

“I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.”

Steven Wright

Variant: I went to a restaurant that serves «breakfast at any time». So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

Steven Wright

“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.”

Steven Wright

“I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.”

Steven Wright

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”

Steven Wright

“I have a large seashell collection which I keep scattered on the beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.”

Steven Wright

I Have A Pony (1985)

“It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.”

Steven Wright

“You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading… and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.”

Steven Wright

“I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote," so right before I die I could say "unquote."”

Steven Wright

When the Leaves Blow Away (2006), I Still Have a Pony (2007)