Mark Twain: Trending quotes (page 32)

“Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.”

“"Classic." A book which people praise and don't read.”

“When a child turns 12, he should be kept in a barrel and fed through the bunghole, until he reaches 16 … at which time you plug the bunghole.”

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

“A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.”

“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.”

“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”

“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”

“If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.”

“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir… mighty scarce.”

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”

“Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.”

“Each place has its own advantages - heaven for the climate, and hell for the society.”

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.”

“If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of star dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way. Properly the Jew ought hardly to be heard of, but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his commercial importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world's list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also away out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers. He has made a marvellous fight in the world, in all the ages; and has done it with his hands tied behind him. He could be vain of himself, and be excused for it. The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Roman followed, and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other peoples have sprung up and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or have vanished. The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was, exhibiting no decadence, no infirmities of age, no weakening of his parts, no slowing of his energies, no dulling of his alert and aggressive mind. All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?”