Lee Evans Quotes

“"We don't get telly round our way, sir"! "Yeah, we hang you buggers round our way, we do"… "No, we all came on the same coach, sir"… "Norwich, that's us, sir." There's a bloke on the fifth row going "You're gonna die now, sir, you are!"”

“I was thinking to myself out there — well, you wouldn't think you're anybody else, would you?”

“This bloke, I swear he's in any supermarket car park. He's great. He walks across the car park, and he's got one of those fobs, and he opens his car before he gets there. [posh voice] "Ha, ha, ha! I don't know if you saw what I just did there, but I actually opened my car door before I actually physically got there!"”

“They'll drop a cage into the water, and the shark'll be. like, "What you doin' down 'ere? What you fuckin' doin' down 'ere?" And they'll get a bit of meat on a stick and go "Oy! Wanker! Bleurgh!" And they’ll go "Oh, is that for me?" [pretends to shove meat in shark’s mouth] "You fuckin’…"”

“I don't come out on film. I get the red eye. Blokes like that: [imitates knocking someone out] "You fuckin' will in a minute, ya twat!"”

“It's like unison, "Welcome to speech therapy, all together!"…"NAOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!"”

“Bees. They don't know they've even got a fuckin' sting. It's like buzzes, it's a twat with a shotgun!”

“Luv can we off off, not off off but fuck off.”