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Jen Lancaster Quotes

Jennifer Lancaster is an American author whose titles have appeared on the New York Times bestseller list. As of August 2015, she has twelve published books.

Lancaster was an associate vice president for a technology company prior to being laid off after 9/11. Being laid off, and her adaptation to being unemployed, became the subject matter for her blog and, later, her books.

Lancaster was raised in Indiana and now resides in Chicago, Illinois with her husband, Fletch, and their many pets. She is an alumna of Purdue University. She is known for her humor and rampant narcissism which is mentioned in her books. Wikipedia  

✵ 5. November 1967
Jen Lancaster photo
Jen Lancaster: 16   quotes 0   likes

Famous Jen Lancaster Quotes

“As I examine my life through this book, I can't help but wonder if my mother was right. Maybe I really was what I ate. And maybe if she'd let me eat a little more sugar, I'd have come out sweeter.”

Jen Lancaster

Source: Pretty in Plaid

“I'm not lazy. I'm simply judicious about excess movement.”

Jen Lancaster

Source: Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover If Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie Is Not the Answer

“Despite my best efforts, I'm not quite perfect. Let's just say I'm like one of those Hopi blankets where they leave a tiny flaw so as to not affront the Lord.”

Jen Lancaster

Source: Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office

“This is terrific! What fun! Maybe tomorrow I can go to the prom with my brother. The day after, perhaps I can wear white pants and unexpectedly get my period.”

Jen Lancaster

Source: Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover If Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie Is Not the Answer

“Sometimes compromise tastes like caramel macchiato.”

Jen Lancaster

I Regret Nothing: A Memoir

Jen Lancaster Quotes

“I can't believe anyone would voluntarily run 26 miles. Sometimes I sit on the couch cross-legged because I don't feel like walking to the bathroom.”

Jen Lancaster
Feeling

“Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.”

Jen Lancaster

Source: Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office

Dogs

“I don't mean to get all religious here, but I'm pretty sure key lime martinis (with a graham cracker & sugar rim) are proof that Jesus loves us.”

Jen Lancaster
Love

“Some people are destined to be deep thinkers. I am not one of those people.”

Jen Lancaster

Source: Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover If Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie Is Not the Answer

People

“I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to get there.”

Jen Lancaster

Source: Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why It Often Sucks in the City, or Who Are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?

“You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a surprise pap smear.”

Jen Lancaster

Source: Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover If Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie Is Not the Answer

Thinking

“For the record? I have never been her baby. In fact, I reject the notion of coming out of her body. I prefer to believe I was hatched, or perhaps purchased.”

Jen Lancaster

Source: Pretty in Plaid

Baby

“Fletch then kisses me on the forehead before opening the cabinet under the coffeemaker to grab placemats and napkins. Retrieving these items is his job because I kind of don't like to bend. I also refuse to carry anything heavier than my purse.”

Jen Lancaster
Kiss

“I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out on New Year's Eve.”

Jen Lancaster

Source: The Tao of Martha: My Year of LIVING; Or, Why I'm Never Getting All That Glitter Off of the Dog

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