“This homeless guy asked me for money the other day. I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol. And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on. Why am I judging this poor bastard?”Greg Giraldo Just For Laughs
“What a night! A couple of trolls, a fairy, and a giant all going after a sunken-eyed little monster that's obsessed with jewelery. It's like The Lord of the Rings!”Greg Giraldo Joan Rivers Comedy Central Roast (2009)
“Hasslehoff, your liver is so shriveled, black, and dead. If you put your ear to your side you can hear it going "What you talking bout Willis."”Greg Giraldo David Hasslehoff Comedy Central Roast (2010)