“That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself.”
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)
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“Confession is a sacred rite enhanced by allegory, exaggeration, and lies.”
Between the Bridge and the River (2006)
“"Whaa, I'm Brad Pitt. I'll crush you." [audience laughs] "With my hand!"”
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)
“[in reference to a two-word comment from a guest] …I used to dance under that name.”
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), Commonly repeated
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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), "By the way…" variations
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)
“I can't live by your rules, man!”
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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), Commonly repeated
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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), Commonly repeated
“Kids: If a bear is wearing a ranger hat, it's because he ate the ranger!”
On Smokey Bear
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)
“Time is only linear for engineers and referees.”
Between the Bridge and the River (2006)
“Welcome back, my filthy pigeons.”
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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), "Welcome Back" variations
“Get well soon, Castro. [pause] Actually, no, don't; die, you bastard!”
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)
“[After the doorbell rings, right before Secretariat appears] Who's that at the door?!”
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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), Commonly repeated
“Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.”
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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), "Welcome Back" variations
“Nothing says romance like hobos, martyrs and decapitations.”
On the creation of St. Valentine's Day. (14 February 2010)
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)
“Like most sharks, Margaret liked to think of herself as a victim of the cruel sea.”
Between the Bridge and the River (2006)
“Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.”
Between the Bridge and the River (2006)