Chris Rock: Trending quotes

Chris Rock trending quotes. Read the latest quotes in collection

Chris Rock: 122 quotes20 likes

“Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C. B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.”

Miscellaneous

“I ain't shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs.”

Bigger and Blacker (HBO, 1999)

“Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies … a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I'm at Kenny house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"”

Bigger and Blacker (HBO, 1999)

“The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.”

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!"”

Bigger and Blacker (HBO, 1999)

“Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!”

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“Our next presenter is the first woman to ever breast-feed an Apple – Gwyneth Paltrow.”

At the Academy Awards as host
Miscellaneous

“[on John McCain being too old] When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, it's natural causes. 'Cause if you was younger, you'd have got out the way!”

Kill the Messenger (2008)

“Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain't gonna be at the perfect time. You're married, they're single. That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian. You're a Mexican, they're a raccoon. You're a black woman, he's a black man.”

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"”

Bring the Pain (HBO, 1996)

“Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter's gonna come home with Livin' La Vida Loca!”

Bigger and Blacker (HBO, 1999)

“You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.”

In regards to fame<sup> https://web.archive.org/web/20070314185437/http://www.craveonline.com/humor/articles/04647576/everybody_loves_chris.html</sup> <br class="br">Miscellaneous

“When a woman get pregnant, it's an issue between her and her girlfriends. When a woman get pregnant, her and her girlfriends form an abortion tribunal, and they vote on the child like it was Survivor. Then the first girlfriend throws in her two cents: "Child, you should have that baby, that man got some good hair, it's wavy, it's wavy." Then second girlfriend throws in her two cents: "Girl, why are we even talking about this? Ain't we supposed to go to Cancun next weekend? Get rid of that baby." And that's how life is decided in America.”

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out a fuckin' window and slit his throat on the way down saying, "I can't even put gas in my plane!"”

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club and the sun is out, you got some problems!”

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come.”

The Six Best Jokes From Wednesday Night's Chris Rock Show at MSG, 2008-05-02, 2008-05-05, New York Magazine http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/05/the_five_best_jokes_from_chris.html, <br class="br">Miscellaneous

“Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.”

Never Scared (HBO, 2004)

“[on John McCain] I don't need a president with a bucket list!”

Kill the Messenger (2008)

“If you said more words to him than "mommy'll be back", he might know something!”

Bigger and Blacker (HBO, 1999)

“George Bush hates midgets.”

At a concert supporting Katrina Relief, in reference to Kanye West's comment
Miscellaneous